The birth of the end of suffering

I was wondering today whether I'd keep writing a blog.  As I now sit here typing, I guess I'm keeping writing a blog...

So it is Saturday night and most people I know are presumably with friends or family, doing the things that people do when they are spending time together.  I'm having quite a nice time too, at home alone.

However, about an hour ago, I was not.  I was feeling such intense loneliness (a not unfamiliar feeling) and bawling my eyes out, thinking of all the people I know who are probably not alone right now.  When I feel loneliness, I often feel shame.  I have a tendency to conceal my loneliness because I worry that if people are aware that I am lonely then they will know that I'm not very loved.  And not being loved suggests, on the balance of probabilities, that I'm not very lovable (once a lawyer, always a lawyer...).

So the mention of it here is a bit of a coming out.  But really, my point in mentioning it is not to come out about it.  That's just a by-product.  My intention is that from my suffering this evening a beautiful realisation was born...

Quite often when we see someone suffering, we want to make them feel better.  We don't like to see people suffering.  Even in my suffering tonight, I was thinking of ways I could maybe help people who are similarly suffering.  I figured that there are surely many lonely people in the world right now, but they are just less visible than the people who are out and about with loved ones.  I thought that if I could give all the lonely people in the world a message, it would simply be "I feel lonely too..."  Then I came up with the idea of writing a book of poetry called "Poems for the Depressed and Lonely," so they could read it and realise that other people feel that way too.  I know - it's a catchy and uplifting title.  I'm sure I could write such a book, and it may even be a good book, but I have no intention of writing it.  The point of this story is the birth of the realisation in the next paragraph.

We all suffer, for various reasons, and we feel it more at some times than others.  But I believe that there can be a permanent end to a person's suffering, which is not affected by external circumstances.  This is the basis of many religious and spiritual teachings.  And that's essentially the spiritual path that I am on - trying to find the answer to the question of how to end personal suffering.  And tonight I realised that my suffering is a gift, because it inspires me to search for what will end it...  And when I find the key, I will have achieved my personal spiritual goal!

So I wrote a poem:

TO ALL WHO WOULD
END MY SUFFERING
I SAY:
LET ME FEEL
SO THAT I MAY
FIND THE KEY
TO ITS FINAL END.

I do hope that this blog entry has not been morbid to read.  It really is not intended to be - if I was feeling morbid I wouldn't be writing here.  In fact I feel happy about looking at suffering in this new light.  Bring it on!

Photo taken by my boss at our Bronte BBQ